Bitching Out, or Excuses for Writing Later or Possibly Never

“I think you should start a blog”, my best friend Evelyn suggests, after my most recent lengthy, frustrated diatribe about my lack of a creative outlet.  “Uh, yea…I’ve thought about that”.  I’ve seen ‘Julie and Julia’, I get the appeal.  I mutter a general excuse about doing it…you know, later, after winter passes, in the spring or maybe summer…of 2050.  “Alicia, I feel like you’re bitching out ”  “I’m not bitching out, I’m bitching in?”  That is clearly not a thing, and I am definitely, as she has asserted, ‘bitching out’.  I continue to justify my excuse of ‘Later’, and she says to me: “I think you are really over thinking this–nobody but me and your husband is going to read it.  Nobody will read this, not right away at least”.  I’m not entirely sure what is more terrifying.  Everybody or nobody reading. Normally I write personal essays and show it to a dozen or so people.  The thought of writing and exposing my thoughts, sending them out into the world–an e-black hole where people can respond however they want is utterly intimidating.  But, this is the time…I am 31 and while I love to write, I often find myself sitting before a blank page, my head full of thoughts, ideas, characterizations and anecdotes and they are locked away, strangled by a lack of confidence.  It’s crippling and totally uncool.  So—time to stop bitching out and start bitching in.

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