Okay folks, even though I will still be posting videos and photographs on a daily basis, this will be my last official blog posting until after August long weekend.
I was expecting this. The droves of hysterical fans, screaming, crying, wailing, begging me not to stop blogging.
Okay, dry your eyes, and pull yourself together. People are looking and this is getting embarrassing. Listen, I hear you, I’m this strange fusion of James Joyce and Danielle Steel. And you are one of a very enthusiastic dozen or so people that…as far as my blog is concerned…you just can’t get enough. And I want to be here, dropping hilarious anecdotes like Dr Dre lays down tracks (is that still a contemporary reference?). But Mummy’s tired and she needs a break.
“Girls, I can’t play right now, I’m just talking about quietly resenting you”.
I think about where I was when I started this project. By the time summer ends I will have been at it for six months. With the exception of a handful of “too tired/hungover/busy to write, here’s a picture of a pin up girl doing….something”. I have written every single day since the 1st of March.
Since that day I’ve written over 150 pieces. And if I haven’t made it abundantly clear, after years of writer’s block, this is a pretty fabulous feat. Recently, my friend Sheanna came round with tarot cards, she asked what I wanted to focus on. “The writing, of course”. Is this something that will happen for me? Am I wasting my time? And of course, the cards reveled that there is some kind of mystical blockage getting in the way of success. And that I’ve planted seeds, but the harvest has not happened yet. But what really hit me was that one of the cards suggested that I don’t celebrate enough. I need to give myself a little more credit, and appreciate every “like”, every comment, every bit of positive feedback. I’m terrible for thinking “I’ll be happy when…”. That’s a dangerous belief. Why not be happy right now? There are times when I’ve sought validation, as if I need an external force to justify my direction in life. In fact, it was not being long-listed for that writing competition when my life took a turn. It was not directly connected, but after that day, my job changed, and my life opened up. I had this month or so of freedom. I took casual work, which led to actual jobs. I took on a social media project, and it has been such a satisfying undertaking. Doors have opened, and I’ve walked through them.
And so, I’m trying not to worry so much. Note the italics here. I fuck it up as often as I get it right. But it’s fair to say that this blog has been a lifeline for me. And now, after over 9000 views in over 50 countries, I am going to celebrate that. Am I counting the one time someone in Nicaragua had a gander? Yes. Because I need to celebrate any one, any where reading my pieces. Am I well-paid? Not really. Am I writing while wearing a magnificent fur coat? No. Am I happy? Most of the time, yes. I’m actually amazed how life can sort of evict you from your circumstance. I was in a job that made me so unhappy, that I had never-ending heartburn, an unsightly stress rash, and a soul that was crying out for change. And then, circumstances changed, and I could just walk away. And it was only was the stress was slowly released, like air out of a balloon, that I realized just how unhappy I was. And that’s no way to live.
But there’s something about my temperament that wants me to be stressed. And I’ve got to work on that. I’m pretty famous for stressing hard before a holiday, trying to accomplish everything before the break, so I can be truly relaxed. But by the time to clock ticks to the holiday hour, I am so wound up, it’s like trying to untie an impossible knot. And I don’t want that either. So, there’s a bit of meditation to do on this break. How I’d like to proceed with my life. How I’d like to adjust my attitude. How I’d like to be just a little bit better than I am right now. And then I’d like to come back to this place and share with you all I have learned in the time I spent away.
All Images Courtesy of Google