Have you ever had that moment when you’ve forgotten your mobile phone, I-Pad, carrier pigeon, whatever–and been stricken with the image of a million people trying desperately to reach you. And then once reunited with your phone, there is not a single missed call. Not a text, a tweet, a like, a poke…nothing. It’s as if the whole universe is like “No I didn’t need you, let me just check with my other realms…no they didn’t want you either”. Sometimes that is an isolating feeling, a real ‘feelings-hurter’; thinking that nobody wants you, needs you and that there ain’t no way they’re ever going to love you. But don’t feel sad, because, shouldn’t your own company be perfectly adequate?
Yesterday I overheard a woman taking about joining her daughter in a colon-cleanse. The daughter couldn’t face the task alone, and so the mother got lured into it. Ugh, the thought of a cleanse sounds horrible, reminds me of the cayenne pepper, maple syrup, lemon and water cleanse that girls used to do. I never did it because I saw the horrifying results, the monstrous behavior of malnourished girls. It didn’t matter if you had an amazing body or squeaky clean intestines, if you were in the clutches of something ravenous and emotional.
What interests me is the idea of electronic cleanses; occasionally eliminating the news or the internet from your daily life. Since I started the blog in March, a huge part of my life has been sitting in front of the laptop. The phone that my husband bought for me (that I said I didn’t need) has become a real presence. It’s so easy to check on and obsess over blog stats and to post endless opinions, pictures, preferences.
I’m always connected, always online; delving deeper into the eternal avenues of the internet. I worked last night, and once I got home, I just sat there, eating in front of the computer, squinting at the screen light, reading about Sid and Nancy.
And I just felt so tired. I suddenly had my fill. I shut the computer off. This information will be there another time, that e-mail will not implode if you don’t check it right away, and the internet is not going anywhere.
I’ve taken on a social media project, which I love. I could research and write forever. But this morning…I strayed from my routine–getting up at seven, and turning on the computer before I grab a cup of coffee. I’d bring said beverage into the office, where I would remain for hours. Firstly, I slept off and on until nearly nine. I overslept so long that by the time I got up the coffee pot turned itself off. And without making a conscious effort or declaration, I didn’t use the computer, I didn’t check my phone. I just wasn’t bothered. And my god, is anyone else aware of how much spare time you have if you are not fucking around on the internet? I could have baked bread from scratch and then churned the butter for it afterwards. I spent the morning tidying up, organizing the office, doing a load of laundry, washing a stack of dishes. I visited a good friend, and watched her baby, while she had a shower. The wee one and I watched a portion of the soap opera “The Bold & The Beautiful”, which takes place in a magical nether-world where everyone looks like models and makes statements like “Listen Brick, you know I haven’t been the same since that plane crash on that secret island with the twin brother I didn’t know I had”.
Afterwards I went to yoga. I love my Friday class, the whole purpose of yin yoga is to hold poses for five or so minutes and just…quiet the mind.
I need that. I need to turn the volume down on my thoughts. I get so bothered. I get angry, jealous, frustrated, bugged, irked–you name it, I can get in touch with that emotion. The constriction of stress. The choking sensation of discontentment. And I’d prefer not to feel that way.
Once home in the afternoon, I checked my phone, which I had left at home. Nothing. I checked my inbox. Nothing. Facebook offered very little in the way of messages and notifications. And I didn’t feel alone. I felt relieved. No one was let down in my absence. And I felt better for my inadvertent technology cleanse. I then spent the rest of my spare time in the office, searching for images, staring at words, blogging, writing, and making up stories as I go along. A feast after a fast, and everything looks so much more delicious.