Dear Attention Span,

Attention span, you are as fleeting as a summer breeze.

pink girl

I have a list.  I have not yet crossed anything of said list.  I am busy, yet I am accomplishing nothing.


It seems I can’t finish anything.  Not even the leftovers I brought home from last night’s dinner.  It’s just laying in the plastic container, looking as though a wild badger had a go at consuming it before also getting bored with the process of biting, chewing and swallowing. Focus wise…I’m drawing a bit of a blank.

can't write

…maybe I should go for a walk, maybe I just need to clear my head.  But, time away from the computer is time wasted.  It’s better to just stare blankly at the laptop until…words shoot out of your eyes and pierce the screen.

…maybe I should tweet something or absentmindedly like things on Facebook.

…but I want to work, get things done, cross things off the list, but my attention span holds me back and takes me off track.

vintage secretary photo

Ordinarily, I am really at home when I’m at my desk, making lists and immediately destroying them, and looking fabulous while doing it.


But not today.  Mark the date on your calender y’all, July 8, 2013, the day my attention span walked out that door and out of my life.  Now it’s hitchhiking somewhere along the highway, moving further and further away from me.  And the whole things just makes me so sad.  I really needed that son-of-a-bitch to stick around.


And so, I will conclude, publish this sorry excuse of a blog, just to cross something off the goddamned list.  (In fact I did complete something that wasn’t on the list, so I wrote it down only to immediately cross it off.  I’m not proud of myself).   But don’t worry.  I’ll get by.  I heard that Gloria Gaynor’s disco classic “I Will Survive” was actually about her attention span.  At first she was afraid, she was petrified but she grew strong and learned how to get along.  And she survived.  And so will I, I’ve already added it to the list.

smiling girl writingAll Images Courtesy of Google

Bold & Beautiful

I’ve developed quite the routine with my friend Trish the Dish, my coming over on Friday, usually after my yoga class.  Just us girls, Trish, myself, and her lovely baby Melody  (the Bold & the Beautiful baby from yesterday’s blog).  I don’t know how good babies are at deciphering irony, but Melody got an earful of humorous soap opera commentary.  But I hope she wasn’t just laying there in my lap, in her little jammies, taking me seriously, and cataloging the information for later use.  “Don’t worry mom, you don’t have to explain men to me…boozy old Aunt Alicia told me all about them a long time ago”.

When I first arrived, I came up the stairs and saw a vintage Joan Rivers comedy album on the kitchen table.


I’m exclaiming my enthusiasm for such an awesome relic, when I notice the envelope  with my name on it.  (Well, it actually says “Hippy”, a nickname from our younger days, along the same era where she was christened Trish “the Dish”).  A present? For me? Fabulous!  When she was pregnant, I had given her this book, to help her with the difficult days.


So, in honour of Trish the Dish, and to the advice I may someday give to her daughter…for which I am apologizing for in advance.  Some advice from the fabulous Joan Rivers–80 years old, fearless, bitchy as hell and she’s got a mouth on her like you wouldn’t believe.


The ideal beauty is a fugitive that is never found.


“There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl”.


“I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can’t make it through one door, I’ll go through another door — or I’ll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present”.


“I was smart enough to go through any door that opened”.

The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson

“Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you.  For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, “Melissa you ripped me to shreds.  Now go back to sleep”.

Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa are seen outside of the "Laow with Jith Jimmy Fallon" in NYC

And my personal favorite…


All Images Courtesy of Google

| Tagged , Comedy album, , Fashion police, Friday, friendship, Google, home, , Joan River, soap operas, Trish

Semicolon Cleanse

Have you ever had that moment when you’ve forgotten your mobile phone, I-Pad, carrier pigeon, whatever–and been stricken with the image of a million people trying desperately to reach you.  And then once reunited with your phone, there is not a single missed call. Not a text, a tweet, a like, a poke…nothing.  It’s as if the whole universe is like “No I didn’t need you, let me just check with my other realms…no they didn’t want you either”. Sometimes that is an isolating feeling, a  real ‘feelings-hurter’; thinking that nobody wants you, needs you and that there ain’t no way they’re ever going to love you.  But don’t feel sad, because, shouldn’t your own company be perfectly adequate?

Alone in a CrowdYesterday I overheard a woman taking about joining her daughter in a colon-cleanse.  The daughter couldn’t face the task alone, and so the mother got lured into it.  Ugh, the thought of a cleanse sounds horrible, reminds me of the cayenne pepper, maple syrup, lemon and water cleanse that girls used to do.  I never did it because I saw the horrifying results, the monstrous behavior of malnourished girls.  It didn’t matter if you had an amazing body or squeaky clean intestines,  if you were in the clutches of something ravenous and emotional.

Trio 1

What interests me is the idea of electronic cleanses; occasionally eliminating the news or the internet from your daily life.  Since I started the blog in March, a huge part of my life has been sitting in front of the laptop.  The phone that my husband bought for me (that I said I didn’t need) has become a real presence.  It’s so easy to check on and obsess over blog stats and to post endless opinions, pictures, preferences.

Pin-up+girl yellow phoneI’m always connected, always online; delving deeper into the eternal avenues of the internet.   I worked last night, and once I got home, I just sat there, eating in front of the computer, squinting at the screen light, reading about Sid and Nancy.

sid and nancy

And I just felt so tired.  I suddenly had my fill.  I shut the computer off.  This information will be there another time, that e-mail will not implode if you don’t check it right away, and the internet is not going anywhere.

Vintage Exhausted Woman Photo

I’ve taken on a social media project,  which I love.  I could research and write forever.   But this morning…I  strayed from my routine–getting up at seven, and turning on the computer before I grab a cup of coffee.  I’d bring said beverage into the office, where I would remain for hours.  Firstly, I slept off and on until nearly nine.  I overslept so long that by the time I got up the coffee pot turned itself off.  And without making a conscious effort or declaration, I didn’t use the computer, I didn’t check my phone.  I just wasn’t bothered.  And my god, is anyone else aware of how much spare time you have if you are not fucking around on the internet?  I could have baked bread from scratch and then churned the butter for it afterwards.  I spent the morning tidying up, organizing the office, doing a load of laundry, washing a stack of dishes.   I visited a good friend, and watched her baby, while she had a shower.  The wee one and I watched a portion of the soap opera “The Bold & The Beautiful”, which takes place in a magical nether-world where everyone looks like models and makes statements like “Listen Brick, you know I haven’t been the same since that plane crash on that secret island with the twin brother I didn’t know I had”.


Afterwards I went to yoga.  I love my Friday class, the whole purpose of yin yoga is to hold poses for five or so minutes and just…quiet the mind.

marilyn red sweater

I need that.  I need to turn the volume down on my thoughts.  I get so bothered.  I get angry, jealous, frustrated, bugged, irked–you name it, I can get in touch with that emotion.  The constriction of stress.  The choking sensation of discontentment.  And I’d prefer not to feel that way.

snake charmerWhat I’d like is to hold on to that post-yoga class feeling: calm, relaxed, at peace.  I wish I could be carried home, with my eyes closed, not concerned with traffic, obstacles, deadlines.


Once home in the afternoon, I checked my phone, which I had left at home.  Nothing.  I checked my inbox.  Nothing.  Facebook offered very little in the way of messages and notifications.  And I didn’t feel alone.  I felt relieved.  No one was let down in my absence.  And I felt better for my inadvertent technology cleanse.   I then spent the rest of my spare time in the office, searching for images, staring at words, blogging, writing, and making up stories as I go along.  A feast after a fast, and everything looks so much more delicious.

phone headAll Images Courtesy of Google